Why My Brain Is Trying to Kill Me and Other Stories to Keep You Up At Night
I am vibrating all the time. My frequency shifts happen without consideration of time and space. Today my body started thrumming at 4 am and I had to get up and write my heartbeat down. I sit on the carpeted steps, at the stairs’ turn, and prop myself up with my comforter and notebook. I deeply do not want to be doing this. (My vibrations come in at various degrees of Hz, most undocumented. Today I measured in at 5ɠd͡ʒøøø̊~ Hz of pure restless energy.) I am so tired all the time, my heart rate is null and void. It goes so fast or so slow that I never notice it, even if I want to. Maybe I’m dying faster than everyone else. Maybe I’m not sleeping enough. I think of other people’s stories to go to sleep. My own stories keep me awake, pacing. I will spin a tale for you that will build up and up and then fade into an unremembered dream. I drink coffee as a neutralizer, to bring me up to the world. Similarly, I use fluoxetine. I feel the need to journal at all hours of the night. Emphasis NEED. Emphasis NIGHT. I hate myself for talking about me, which I must do constantly. In fact, I pay a very kind woman to tell me I’m Okay every week. I do not pay anyone else to do this, but I expect them to anyway. Night thoughts are cyclical, blurred.
Bio: Hope Harris is a dog walker living in New York City. She has a B.A. in English Literature from Chapman University.