Pulling Eagles from the Sky !2 blind mice the grim reaper and the ghost of Bukowski smoke my stash and guzzle my hooch and pass ass gas the China man downstairs ate our neighbor’s dachshund I welcome the New Year lying on the roof with a snoot full of Bolivian flake and a bottle of Jose dreaming of Sonoran desert mermaids and pulling eagles from the sky. Luna de Miel The virgin paper lies beneath me in a blinding white dress ready for wisdom love or blood she sighs moans in anticipation trembling awaiting my thrust the sheet soon to be exposed for curious spectators. Birdman from Albuquerque Granted, the pigeons were annoying but not to the degree my lady and neighbors took it, they were livid paralyzed by bird anger, pure hatred pigeon shit rolled onto the sidewalk and porch, grayish white curls and globs, the birds could be heard cooing flapping, and fornicating, laying eggs and pecking gravel off all the shingles they suggested a machine gun, shotgun at least a flamethrower, I thought this rather drastic, I bought a plastic hoot owl with an attached rope you pulled to make its wings flutter, I felt like the hunchback of Notre Dame pulling that rope, the pigeons shit on the owl and me and laughed, I bought a mean looking rubber snake and got a raptor bird call, it sounded like a sick duck, they played tug of war with the snake and had fun, I tried rags soaked in vinegar and Clorox they fashioned luxury nests, then I heard of a product called Roost, a gooey sap you smeared on the roof, it was suppose to be just sticky enough when the birds landed and felt trapped, they would stay away, I tried it, they roosted all right, but it was permanent, now my roof was covered with dead pigeons in various states of decay, vultures and other carrion birds are swooping in for tidbits, the bird watcher’s society burned my figure in effigy, some witch doctors are poking voodoo dolls of me and my pain is excruciating, I suspect now I’m ready for the flamethrower or even a bazooka.
Bio: Catfish McDaris has been active in the small press world for 25 years. His biggest seller is Prying: with Jack Micheline and Charles Bukowski. He’s working in a wig shop in a high crime area of Milwaukee. His newest book is: www.amazon.com/Sleeping-With-Fish-Catfish-McDaris/dp/0692671323